i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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