my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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