you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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