what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
