Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
