I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Randomize
