I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
