there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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