Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
