I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
never play flip cup with pint glasses
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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