Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
