My hair reeks of homosexuality.
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
