Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
