When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Just cropdusted the office
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
