Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
