even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
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