is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
