fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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