He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
