She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
