After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize
