Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Randomize
