walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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