3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Well douche your snatch and let's go!
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
