I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Randomize
