also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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