that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
