You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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