I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
