she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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