I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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