I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
