Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
