considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
