remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
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