I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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