It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
