scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I stole a fireplace last night.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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