I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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