that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Those nachos came to me in a dream
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
