I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
this boner is exhausting
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
