he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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