he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
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