I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
