Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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