Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
