mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
