oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
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