everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
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