How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
